What one thing can we summarily say that men do NOT find attractive? In Beth Moore’s insightful book entitled “So Long Insecurity” (Tyndale, 2010), she confronts insecurity in her own life and reveals results from an extensive survey of men further dealing with the subject of insecurity. And in the process she stumbles across the “one thing” that men do NOT find attractive. Read on!
“Men are not our problem; it’s what we are trying to get from them that messes us up. Nothing is more baffling than our attempt to derive our womanhood from our men.
We use guys like mirrors to see if we’re valuable. Beautiful. Desirable. Worthy of notice. Viable. We try to read their expressions and moods in order to determine whether it’s time to act smart and hard to get or play dumb and needy. Worse yet, we try to tap into their inner equestrian by acting like the damsel in distress. When XX meets XY and tries to pry that X away from him so she can have an extra one, she is attempting to mutate both of them.
I say this with respect and great compassion: we’re attempting to get our security from a gender that doesn’t really have much to spare. Our culture is just as merciless on men as it is on women. Their insecurities take different shapes, but make no mistake: they’ve got them. You know it. I know it.
Let’s face it. Men want us to get a grip anyway. They don’t like the pressure of being in charge of our sense of value. It’s too much for them. The candid ones gladly admit it, and for these who don’t, you’ll know it by the flapping of their shirts in the wind as they run for their lives.
A man is infinitely more attracted to a secure woman than to an emotional wreck who insists he could complete her. As my friend Christy Nockels says, ‘Men are not drawn to hysterical, needy women.’
. . . After months of research, I’m convinced that men are indeed more intrigued by a confident woman who carries herself well and knows who she is than a picture-perfect beauty who seems little more than that. Some men might be tempted to take the latter to bed, but when all is said and done, they would more likely take the former to heart. When the average guy sees the woman in his life hold her own in the face of intimidation, he is impressed. At the end of the day, both men and women want to be with someone they can respect.”