What Men Do NOT Find Attractive (Blame Beth Moore for This One!)


What one thing can we summarily say that men do NOT find attractive?  In Beth Moore’s insightful book entitled “So Long Insecurity” (Tyndale, 2010), she confronts insecurity in her own life and reveals results from an extensive survey of men further dealing with the subject of insecurity.  And in the process she stumbles across the “one thing” that men do NOT find attractive.  Read on!

“Men are not our problem; it’s what we are trying to get from them that messes us up.  Nothing is more baffling than our attempt to derive our womanhood from our men.

We use guys like mirrors to see if we’re valuable.  Beautiful. Desirable. Worthy of notice.  Viable.  We try to read their expressions and moods in order to determine whether it’s time to act smart and hard to get or play dumb and needy.  Worse yet, we try to tap into their inner equestrian by acting like the damsel in distress.  When XX meets XY and tries to pry that X away from him so she can have an extra one, she is attempting to mutate both of them.

I say this with respect and great compassion: we’re attempting to get our security from a gender that doesn’t really have much to spare.  Our culture is just as merciless on men as it is on women.  Their insecurities take different shapes, but make no mistake: they’ve got them.  You know it.  I know it.

Let’s face it.  Men want us to get a grip anyway.  They don’t like the pressure of being in charge of our sense of value.  It’s too much for them.  The candid ones gladly admit it, and for these who don’t, you’ll know it by the flapping of their shirts in the wind as they run for their lives.

A man is infinitely more attracted to a secure woman than to an emotional wreck who insists he could complete her.  As my friend Christy Nockels says, ‘Men are not drawn to hysterical, needy women.’

. . . After months of research, I’m convinced that men are indeed more intrigued by a confident woman who carries herself well and knows who she is than a picture-perfect beauty who seems little more than that.  Some men might be tempted to take the latter to bed, but when all is said and done, they would more likely take the former to heart.  When the average guy sees the woman in his life hold her own in the face of intimidation, he is impressed.  At the end of the day, both men and women want to be with someone they can respect.”

5 thoughts on “What Men Do NOT Find Attractive (Blame Beth Moore for This One!)

  1. Nice! One of my guy friends consistently talks of this. His desire for a confident woman and not the train wreck. He thinks it is unfortunate that there are so many women that are so “damaged”. Unfortunately, there are a lot of damaged men too. I say let the Lord take that junk/mess/damage and move on! Just two days ago, a girlfriend and I discussed this: “Don’t leave a “box” at the foot of the cross…take the pitcher and pour it out!! …you can pick up the box and carry it around, but when you pour that “mess” out…you can’t pick it up…you truly leave it at the cross!” I pray that the sons and daughters of the Lord will continually pour out their sorrows and strife, their brokenness, making us healthier for what the future holds.

  2. What an a wonderfully insightful article. I must read more about this in her book. Thanks for posting this :)

  3. I’m a married woman who spends my ministry pouring out to younger women the hard lessons learned from having ‘looked for love in all the wrong places’. The most powerful thing I teach in the “Big Reveal” material I use with teen girls is that one lone truth. They sit on the edge of their seats when I unveil the answers to a survey of 200 local teen guys. “What is THE most attractive thing about a woman?”… the over riding response was…’CONFIDENCE’. That alone immediately levels the playing field for all women and puts each of us in the right place, at the foot of the cross looking for our TRUE identity and source of confidence. By the way, as a marriage ministry, we find ourselves addressing singles and youths equally often with the core message – be WHOLE. Married or single. Young or old. Male or female. Park your self in Father’s lap until He settles in your heart your real value. THEN, you’ll have that confidence that is attractive to the rest of the world. Because they are starving for the same.

  4. As a thirty year veteran of the skin care and cosmetic industries, I can attest a woman’s self worth equates heavily to the response of a reflected mirror. If that reflection connotes “less than” she likely was not fortunate to reap the reward of the kind of unconditional love provided by parents (especially an earthly father) grandparents, teachers and mentors. These positive, molding influences go a long way in nurturing healthy self esteem in girls who grow to be confident women, but none more than an identity solidly based in Christ.

    Surely I would not have survived the past three decades in my chosen profession had I not comprehended God’s vast love for me … I’m so grateful that as TIME has TEMPERED both my appeal to the opposite sex and my VIABILITY in the current culture, his love for me is not…cannot, and not because of what I do, (or don’t) but because of who He is.

    Regarding what attracts a man:
    Wouldn’t it be great if, led by the Holy Spirit, we, both male and female, were DRAWN to another’s essence without the visual filter? I’ve experienced this in recent months and it’s surely a God thing, and quite humbling… and, at times, overwhelming.
    The GOAL: to successfully love THAT WAY in ALL my relationships…

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