10 Spiritual Goals for Christian Singles in 2023

1. To pursue God more than I’m pursuing a relationship.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.” – Matthew 6:33

2. To accept that waiting is not wasted time but part of God’s growth process to prepare me for what lies ahead.
“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” 
– Isaiah 40:31 

3. To acknowledge God’s goodness even when life is not so good.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”  – Romans 8:28

4. To devote myself to growing in His Word, even if it means taking time away from other hobbies and interests that are less spiritually productive.
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly . . .” 
– Colossians 3:16

5. To flourish as an encourager and problem solver while becoming less of a complainer and problem spotter.
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”  – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

6. To become increasingly grateful for what I have instead of focusing on what I don’t have.
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”  – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

7. To find my identity in Christ, not in the things of this world.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 
– 2 Corinthians 5:17

8. To live in a constant state of a worshipful mindset.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.” 
– Romans 12:1

9. To surrender my whole heart to the One who made it.
“Give Me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways.” 
– Proverb 23:26

10. To leave behind relationships that are pulling me away from the Lord to make room for those which will draw me closer.
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed . . .”  – Romans 12:2

Between the Crucifixion and the Resurrection

Between the crucifixion and the resurrection. A time of intense waiting. Unsure of the unknown. The disciples endured the embattled spectrum of human emotions. Hope laced with fear. Faith mingled with doubt.

And yet the only thing they could really do was . . . wait. They couldn’t solve the life altering dilemma caused by Christ’s last breath. Not knowing if the Roman crucifiers might bang on their closed doors next. There would be no solution to their desperation unless Jesus did more than the improbable . . . but the impossible.

And the same Savior who defied the odds for them on that first Easter Sunday defies the odds for you on this Easter Sunday. The empty tomb emptied them of their doubts and desperation then. And the empty tomb still does the same today for those who choose to believe.

“I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”  ~ John 11:25-26

John11v25

I’m waiting . . .

Enjoy this insightful guest blog by certified Health and Life Coach Shari Hamilton (bio at end)!

WaitingIn a world where we are impatient waiting thirty minutes for a pizza to be delivered to our door, or waiting eight cars back in the drive-through to have our lunch handed to us, or waiting for a response to a text . . . we have lost the virtue of waiting.

But let’s get real; waiting is difficult. We don’t like waiting in line, waiting for test results, waiting for that right person to show up in our lives, or waiting for the next chapter to begin. Whatever it is, we have trouble waiting.

So isn’t it interesting how many times God tells us to wait. It is mentioned over 100 times in the Bible, depending on translation and context. Wait on Him. Wait on His timing, His plan, His presence. It says our strength will be renewed, we will soar like eagles, we won’t be weary or grow faint. How is that possible by just waiting?

Our culture has conditioned us to believe that our time is our most valuable commodity and that we need to be using every minute productively. We don’t have time to waste. And if we’re not managing our time with purpose, intention, setting goals and conquering them… then we’ve missed the mark. We should be consistently reading and learning, and perpetually bettering ourselves . . . eating well, working out, sleeping, drinking less alcohol and more water. The list goes on.

SlowDownDo we even know how to slow down . . . take more time for people, for relationships, for pondering . . . and for waiting on God?

Sitting quietly alone in a room for minutes or hours . . . waiting on God sounds like a waste of time, doesn’t it?

Unless we’re making lists and figuring out agendas or planning our future . . . then are there really benefits to waiting?

We are too often tethered to our phones, connected to the world at the palm of our hands. But what if all the noise in our life . . . the busyness and mass communication  . . . is what is keeping us from hearing from God? And what if hearing from God is the single most important thing we could ever do? What if everything else adds up to nothing if we don’t hear from God? What if all our plans . . . our successes on paper . . . add up to nothing but zero if those things were never really a part of God’s purpose for our lives?

And what if . . . what if we got bold enough to really, really ask God to lead us in the purpose for our lives? What if we wanted to know what He had in mind for us before the dawn of time when we were just a twinkle in His eye?

Waiting can be painful. We get impatient. We quit too soon. We think we’re hearing nothing so we move on. But what if . . . in the silence . . . our hearts and minds are being renewed? What if that little act of waiting made all the difference in the world  . . . whether we could see the results right away or not?

What if we could look back one day and say . . . “you know, my life started to shift back a few years ago when I began sitting quietly everyday and waiting on God. I never heard a voice, yet it changed who I was and altered the direction my life was taking.”

Imagine if ten years from now we looked back and saw that the last ten years had been the most productive and most satisfying years of our lives . . . and beyond anything we could ever have imagined. What if those were our joyful years, our contented years, our gratifying years? Wouldn’t that make those years the most successful years of our lives?

WhatIfWhat if our waiting on God made us into faithful, trusting, God-fearing individuals . . . in a land where faith is ridiculed and trust is hard to come by and fearing God has been forsaken.

What if waiting made us patient and content and fearless? What if our hearts were softened and our lives were full of love and opportunities to help the next guy . . . and what if everything about us was different, looking back ten years from now.

Instead of making a list of resolutions for the new year, this year I just made one request. I asked God to renew my hunger for Him. I didn’t want to be dry . . . I wanted to be thirsty. I didn’t want to be comfortable sitting in my comfort zone . . . I wanted to be uprooted. He has answered. He didn’t even wait 24 hours to answer… He was pleased to do it, as though He had been waiting for me to ask.

As a result of that, I have made a commitment this year to wait on God in a new way . . . not asking for anything . . . not even expecting anything . . . but just with the attitude that my sitting there with Him . . . contemplating, meditating on the Word, listening . . . is somehow changing me from the inside out. I feel a shifting inside my soul.

Am I still sitting in the same house, doing the same job, going through my same routine? The answer is yes. Everything is the same; yet everything is different. Every day I am letting Him lead me . . . where I don’t know where He is leading.

#faith  #trust  #waiting

Shari Hamilton is a freelance writer in Burbank, CA.  She is a certified Health Coach and Life Coach with SweetSuccess Health & Nutrition, specializing in mycology, brain injury, and relationship coaching.  Shari attends Shepherd Church in Porter Ranch (Los Angeles).

You Say

Have you ever fallen in love with a song only later to notice in detail what the lyrics really say?  That tends to happen a lot with me.  But one song in particular over the past year or so hasn’t fit that criteria, at least for me.  In fact, I think it’s happened in reverse this time around.  The lyrics first drew me in, and then I began especially to appreciate the vocal intonations.

The song is “You Say” by Lauren Daigle, who recently won a 2019 Grammy for Best Contemporary Christian Music Performance/Song for recording it.

YouSay.LaurenDaigleAnd as beautiful as the song sounds, I tend to believe the popularity of “You Say” has much more to do with the lyrical content, as it seems to have struck a much deeper chord of identity and authenticity with many of us.

Apparently, even in the Christian world, it’s a common thing to struggle between knowing that we are loved by God and fighting the voices all around that say we’re not enough and that we’ll never measure up.

You may have listened to “You Say” dozens if not hundreds of times by now.  But have you taken the opportunity to soak in the lyrics at a much deeper level?  If not, here’s your chance.  Enjoy!

 

“You Say” by Lauren Daigle

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh)

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, (ooh oh)

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh, I believe

Taking all I have and now I’m laying it at Your feet
You have every failure God, and You’ll have every victory, (ooh oh)

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

Oh I believe (I), yes I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh I believe (oh)

Songwriters: Paul Mabury / Lauren Ashley Daigle / Jason Ingram
“You Say” Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

What’s Most Attractive About a Christian Man? (Hint: It’s Something to Pray About!)

Tech Insider magazine recently released a list of “11 science-supported traits” that women find most attractive in men.  A sense of humor made the list. Owning a dog seemingly does the trick as well, as does wearing the power color red.

Moreover, according to science, having a good heart full of altruism and philanthropy speaks to a woman’s heart in a special way. So heartfelt depth can’t be overlooked.

And yet, science shows that attractiveness can be pretty shallow too, given that men who drive expensive cars are seen as more appealing to the opposite gender. Is it really true that a man who drives a Porsche or BMW is more attractive than one who drives a Honda or Toyota? Apparently so according to science.

It’s a pretty interesting, albeit somewhat confusing, list. But it’s also intriguing to see what’s not on the list too.

Consider this . . .

I recently stumbled across something that Christian single women find attractive in Christian men that didn’t quite make the science-supported list. It seems to make sense, but I’m not sure Christian men, or science, realize the full magnitude of it.

The non-scientifically proven trait that I’ve stumbled across is none other than a willingness to pray, which may sound super spiritual.  But see if this makes sense, spiritual sense if not scientific sense. . .

Recently I discovered that Christian women find a Godly man who consistently prays for a woman to be an incredibly appealing trait. Who knew it could be that simple? And yet apparently it’s something that speaks not only to the heart of God but also to the heart of a spiritually minded woman.

A couple of years ago I began a daily devotional Facebook page (www.facebook.com/solelydevoted) for Christian singles, and it’s grown quite dramatically, approaching 15,000 followers/likes. It’s nothing too involved, just a simple way to encourage Christian singles in their relationship with God on a daily basis. As it turns out, about 80% of those who follow the page are women, which is important to note when considering the overwhelming response to a post made to “Solely Devoted” not long ago.

The post simply looked like this . . .

SD.post

That’s it.  Nothing too special.  Nothing too insightful.  Or so I thought.

Because suddenly it went kind of viral. Sort of. Not Bieberish-viral. But as an administrator of a Facebook page, you can keep track of how many people are reached by a post. Typically the more a post is liked and shared and commented on then the more it becomes visible in the newsfeeds of Facebook fans.

Occasionally a post stands out in a notable way on the “Solely Devoted” page as it gains special attention, but this particular post, as simple as it was, began to reach tens of thousands more people than a typical post would ever reach. Basically the 80 percent of Christian women who follow the page began to respond to and spread the post everywhere, and they sent a clear message every time they liked it, shared it, and commented on it.

And it totally surprised me, but maybe it shouldn’t have. Because it got me to thinking . . .

For the believer attractiveness is so much more than exterior physical characteristics or the kind of car you drive. Or even how funny you are or whether or not you have a dog.

For the believer attractiveness is much more than any of that because it’s much more than external criteria, definitely more than that which is just skin deep.

For the believer attractiveness goes straight to the heart, especially when someone has a heart for the things of God.

And when a man consistently and faithfully prays for a woman, it sends a clear signal that:

  • He wants God’s best for you
  • He believes you have great value and worth in the eyes of a holy God
  • He’s thinking about you, albeit praying about you, even when He’s not with you
  • You’ve captured a part of His heart that God has also captured
  • He’s willing to put you before himself, even in the words of his prayer life
  • He’s sensitive to your hurts and pains in life
  • He values the deeply spiritual, not just the shallow physical
  • He believes God has a purpose and plan for your life through every daily struggle and every momentous success
  • He’s a humble man who knows God can do more for you than He ever can

ManPrayingScientists didn’t come up with this particular finding, and it didn’t make Tech Insider’s list of what makes a man attractive to a woman. Truth is, I stumbled across it rather unexpectedly in a viral sort of way. But after giving it adequate reflection, it just makes sense. Good spiritual sense.

And so for all the Christian single men out there, there’s no doubt that we all do a lot of things to appear more attractive to the opposite gender. And yet a lot of what we do barely scratches the surface. The bigger reality, from the perspective of Godly minded Christian ladies, is that a humble, gracious, God fearing man who’s willing to get on his knees in prayer and pour out his heart on a woman’s behalf may just be the most attractive man alive — both to God and to the watchful eyes and sensitive ears of a spiritually inclined female.

What’s most attractive about a Christian man? It really is something to pray about!

A Valentine’s Day Prayer for Singles

Heavenly Father,HappyValentinesDay-FINAL

In my heart I know today is just another day.  24 hours.  1440 minutes.  86,400 seconds.  Same as yesterday.  Same as tomorrow.

But in another sense it’s different from any other day.  Very different.  And I confess to you that sometimes throughout today I’ll let it get to me.  Let it get me down.  And even let the enemy get a foothold if I’m not careful.

I love to see the joy in the faces of the other ladies in my office as they smell the flowers and consume the cards with an unrestrained smile greeted by a cherished tear.  There’s nothing more special than that.  Knowing that someone didn’t just remember you.  But they remembered you enough to go out of their way to make a public display.  A spectacle of their love for you.  Now that’s special.

Continue reading

The “One Thing” Experts Say a Good Relationship Must Have

CoupleHoldingHands2

What is the “one thing” experts say a good relationship must have?

Dr. Neil Clark Warren has been a widely recognized clinical psychologist for 30+ years, is acknowledged as one of the nation’s leading relationship experts, and is perhaps most known as the founder of eHarmony.  When asked about the “one thing” absolutely necessary for a good relationship, this is what Dr. Warren had to say . . .

“I was talking with my good friend and colleague Les Parrott about the qualities of a good relationship when Les asked me, ‘Neil, if you could offer one word of advice to someone who is about to be married, what would it be?’

Without a moment’s hesitation, I replied, ‘Get yourself healthy before you get yourself married.’  The health I see as crucial for your relationship to survive and thrive is emotional health.

If you want to build intimacy with another person before you have done the hard work of getting yourself whole and healthy, all your relationships will become attempts to complete yourself.  Moreover, if you are not healthy yourself, you will almost always attach yourself to another person in hopes of validating your self-worth.  It’s as if you are saying, ‘He (or she) seems to have it all together, so if I attach myself to him, I can be healthy because he makes up for all the things I am lacking in my emotional stability.’

That’s why [an] essential dimension of a great relationship has to do with the quality of your self-conception and that of your partner.  A person who has a good self-conception doesn’t depend on anyone else to provide validation and meaning for life.  He or she is strong enough to face life alone if necessary.  He is prepared to deal with the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the joys and the sorrows, and the harsh realities of life.

Over the years, I’ve counseled with thousands of individuals and couples, and I have discovered a provocative truth.  Most of those couples did not first and foremost have marriage problems; in almost every case, one or both of the partners had emotional problems that were magnified under the intense friction and heat that marriage produces.

The relationship between two people can be no healthier than the emotional health of the least healthy person.

– excerpted from “Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons” (Center Street, 2005) by Dr. Neil Clark Warren

14 for 2014: Resolutions for Single Adults in the Year Ahead

ResolutionsFor2014

14 for 2014.  Resolutions for single adults culled from 3+ years serving as Pastor of Single Adults at one of America’s largest churches.  Which resolutions resonate the most with you?  What would you add to the list?

  1. Instead of being consumed with trying to find someone to “complete” me, I will passionately pursue getting to know the One who created me.
  2. Life is too short to just let it pass me by.  I will laugh more in 2014 than ever before and put the “little things” that used to hold me back from pursuing my dreams into their proper perspective.
  3. When I think about the traits that I desire in a future mate, I am determined to be that type of person myself.  I want to embody the characteristics that I’m looking for in a spouse.
  4. I will back away from any dating relationship that crosses physical boundaries that are not honoring to God.
  5. I will be known as more of an encourager than a complainer.
  6. Focusing on my health and living well will be a top priority.  Eating right, getting consistent exercise, and establishing good sleep patterns will be everyday goals.
  7. I will take it to heart that God loves me unconditionally and that He can use even mistakes in my past to mold me into the person He wants me to be.
  8. I will take God at His Word to not be “unequally yoked” when it comes to relationships.
  9. I will not take friendships for granted but will go out of my way to be there for those who are always there for me.
  10. When others remind me that I am “still single,” I will respond with a smile and think to myself that this is a significant season of my life that God has set aside to serve Him in an especially faithful way.
  11. I will be grateful for what I do have in my life instead of focusing on what I don’t have.
  12. I will devote myself to understanding God’s Word like never before, even if it means cutting out other things in my life to have the necessary time that I know it’s going to take.
  13. I will be careful about what I expose myself to in 2014 when it comes to the Internet and other media.
  14. I will not hold on to hurt and bitterness from past relationships but will seek healing from God that allows me to live thankfully with a forgiving spirit.

May God richly bless you in 2014!

 

Dr. Greg Belcher – a single adult who has pastored churches in North Carolina and Georgia, most recently serving as the Pastor of Single Adults (and Young Professionals) at the rapidly growing Hope Community Church (7000+ weekly attendance) located in Raleigh, NC.

50 Years is a Long Time to Hear Someone Snore

oldercouple2Fifty years is a long time to be married.  And growing increasingly rare too.  Considering that you have to marry young.  And live to a relatively significant age.  To reach the fifty year marriage mark.  So part of it is purely logistical.  (The average age of both men and women when they marry for the first time continues to rise.  For guys, their average age for first time marriage is 29.  For ladies, their average age is 27.)

But there’s another reason why it’s increasingly rare for marriages to last fifty years.  And this reason may surprise you.  If you’ve been married for twenty years, it no longer means that you’re likely to make it to thirty.  Or if you’ve been married thirty years, it no longer necessarily means you’ll make it to forty.  Because, according to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, those who are over age fifty are now divorcing at an accelerated pace.  In fact, the divorce rate for those over fifty doubled between 1990 and 2010.  Presently, 1 in 4 divorces involve those age fifty or more whereas in 1990 that number was only 1 in 10.

And so when you come across a couple that has gone the distance in marriage.  Especially if they’ve reached their fifty year anniversary.  Then you’ve come across a special, and increasingly rare, couple.  And they probably have a lot to teach all of us!

With that in mind, a survey of couples that have reached the magic fifty year anniversary mark gives us some important insight into what makes a marriage go the distance.
Continue reading

Life is Full of Surprises

CharlieBrown-LifeIsFullOfSurprises2  “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. . .”
– Ephesians 3:20 (NIV)

Life is full of surprises.  And so is God.

In almost seven years of attending seminary, I heard some of the most distinguished theologians of our day describe God in astute terms.  He’s the God of the immutable.  He’s the God of the omnipotent.  He’s the God of the transcendent.  He’s the God of the immanent.  The God of the benevolent.

All magnificent words with which to characterize God.  All applicable.  All appropriate.

But never once do I remember one of my esteemed professors describing God as the “God of surprises.”  Which is surprising. 

It can be difficult for us in our learned ways to characterize God in terms that would appear to defy our mental grasp.  Even if it’s a surprisingly simple term.  And so we box Him in.  Like a caged tiger.  Or an aquariumed shark.  Or even a jailed criminal.  With words that aren’t so surprising.

So that He’s safe.  You’re safe.  I’m safe.  We’re all seemingly safe.  Since the tiger can’t bend steel.  The shark can’t bite through glass.  The criminal can’t do much of anything without a key.  And God is safely within our control.  And our grasp.  Within the box.  No surprises.

And yet God seems to do His best work when we try to box Him in.  Only to catch us, and everyone else, by surprise.
Continue reading